Church Non-Whisperers

Some Christians don't know how to whisper in church.

They lack the ability to say something quietly. When speaking in church, a good rule of thumb is only the person you are speaking to should be able to hear you. Two people at a time is the tops. If you are trying to communicate to three or more people, you should write it.  

If this is news to you, then you are probably one of "those" Christians.

I'm not judging.

A good thing about "non-whisperers" is they typically are against the use of cell phones during the service.

Their strength becomes their weakness. This places them at a disadvantage, because they never learn the art of being covert. Which is needed if you are going to whisper.

People who use their cell phones in church are like magicians.

We move under a blanket of deception.

Yes, I might have the YouVersion app going on my phone, but what you missed was the 0.00023 seconds that it took me to send a text. While you thought I was changing the translation of my Bible, I actually played the word "dove" on Words with Friends (playing Words with Friends is okay during church as long as the words are church related).

You never have to wonder what a non-whisperer is thinking. Which is awesomely entertaining!

They are like a play-by-play announcer at a baseball game.

They point out the good, the bad, the ugly, and the obvious.

They spout off phrases like:

"He better not quit his day job."

"What's a matter with her?"

"No man should show that much of his chest in church!"

"Do you have a peppermint?"

"What time is it?"

"That was good!"

"I'm like Forrest Gump up in here, I have to pee."

"Don't they know there is childcare?"

"What verses did he say?"

Non-whisperers say what everyone else is thinking. They just never realize that everyone in the sanctuary can hear them.

There are many advantages to being a non-whisperer in church.

For instance, no one is going to ask you to work in the nursery. Being able to whisper around babies, who are on edge without their mom, is a must.

You will never be recruited to count how many people are in the sanctuary.

You will always have plenty of room next to you in the pew, because there are few things more nerve racking than sitting with a non-whisperer. Or if you go to a church where people struggle to stay awake, you might be the big man on campus.

I love the non-whisperer. They add a certain humanity and entertainment to the church service. And ultimately it's every Christian's destination who lives to be eighty.

Question:
Do you know any non-whisperers?