Back Pew Drivers

Back seat drivers are the worst!

You can't stand to drive with one, but can't help from being one.

Someone trying to dictate the drive's direction, comfort, and atmosphere other than the driver is mutiny.

But did you know the church has something similar?

They are called "Back Pew Drivers".

A back pew driver is someone who wants to dictate the services direction, comfort, and atmosphere, but has no business doing so.

Understand that "back pew" is anyone sitting in a seat, not leading the service.

Here are six different types of back pew drivers:

1) Climate Changer. This person changes the climate of the sanctuary without the pastor's approval. Or they may motion to a pastor to adjust the temperature using charades. The thermostat is only to be touched by someone with the title of Pastor or Director (or the senior pastor's wife).

2) Decibel Downer. The decibel downer wants to complain about the music being too loud or too quiet. People who want it turned up are constantly motioning up to the sky. And not to get their praise on. If this is the case, you are only enabling the sound guy, because he is always looking for permission to turn it up. It's like giving a beer to an alcoholic.

The flip side of that is someone who thinks it's too loud.

They don't motion, but you can see the eye rolling. Or after the service they yell, "GREAT SERVICE PASTOR! COULD YOU PRAY FOR MY MOTHER'S TOE FUNGUS? DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT COUPLE HAVING MARRIAGE PROBLEMS? WHAT? I'M YELLING? I'M SORRY I GUESS THE VOLUME WAS TOO LOUD."

3) Time Keeper. The time keeper constantly checks the clock. This person influences the preacher by breaking eye contact and doodling on the outline. No eye contact drives a preacher crazy. If your preacher thinks that no one is paying attention, they will wrap it up at warp speed. When directed towards the worship pastor, they refuse to sing the chorus the seventh time in a row.

4) Children's Ministry Promoter. There is always that person who wants to promote the children's programming to parents who bring their children into the service. It's addressed with a positive recommendation of the church's outstanding children's ministry.

5) Song Selector. The song selector always has great recommendations for the worship pastor. From what they should or shouldn't sing to maybe the suggestion to sing one fewer.

6) Rest Stop Reliever. These back pew drivers give the craziest (and dumbest) service suggestions. This person leaves the service to use the bathroom. But before returning to the sanctuary they find a staff person to tell them everything that sucks about the church. You wouldn't believe how often this happens. They leave a service for the sole reason to complain about it.

Back pew drivers are the worst! You can't stand to worship with one, but can't help from being one.

Question:
Are you a back pew driver? Was something left out?