The Awkward Church Bathroom

What is the most awkward room in a church?

Besides the cry room.

Any dad who has ever attempted a nomination for "Father of the Year" knows what I'm talking about.

You say, "I'll take the crying baby, honey, you stay here."

Only to see a mom breast feeding a baby. Not that I have ever done that...I mean who breast feeds inside the church behind an unlocked door? Call it a "Mother's Room" not a "Cry Room"!

The most awkward room has to be the bathroom.

You never know what you might find there.

Why is it so awkward?

1) The undryable hands.

After washing your hands, they won't dry off. They get wetter as you dry them. People then try to shake your hand. If you aren't wearing your Christian handcuffs, then you give them something worse than a dead fish handshake.

2) The artwork.

Why do church bathrooms make you feel like you are in a sanctuary? What's up with the crosses? The scripture that has nothing to do with poo? The spiritual references?

If there was a game show called, "Guess Which Bathroom," everyone would know which one was the churches.

The stall I use at church has "Faith" above the toilet. It makes me nervous that something is going to happen every time I flush.

3) The conversation.

Everyone knows that in public restrooms, men aren't supposed to talk. It's common courtesy.

But since you're at church and you're supposed to "love" everyone, you have to. Especially, when you know that person is a visitor (and we wonder why they never come back). Although, sometimes love might mean not speaking.

I forget this rule.

This week, me and a guy from my small group found ourselves chatting it up like two middle school girls in between lunch and fifth period. Sadly, there was a bystander who witnessed the whole thing.

4) The empty bathroom.

There is nothing more peaceful than having a bathroom all to yourself. However, someone inevitably ruins it. Which makes you have to repent, because you are either cursing or wishing that the person had never come to church.

5) The toilet paper method.

Did you know that you can tell how missional a church is based on their toilet paper? Single ply means they could care less about reaching people. Double ply and soft toilet paper shows the opposite.

How is that awkward? Try telling someone why you didn't come back. "Oh the music was great. The pastor really spoke the Word. But it was the toilet paper..." Awkward.

6) The hide out.

It's not uncommon finding someone hiding in the bathroom. (Probably because they found out the hard way about the cry room.) Children, teenagers, and scared volunteers are often found loitering the bathroom. Which results in unnecessary and unwanted eye-to-eye contact in the bathroom.

(Just to let you know, I'm not complaining. My father pastored a church that had outhouses, so I'm very thankful for church bathrooms.)

Question:
Have you ever experienced the church bathroom awkwardness?