Shark Week Church Edition

What week is more exciting on television than Shark Week?

There's nothing.

Not even a James Bond marathon. Because no one is thinking, "James Bond might be out here" when swimming in the ocean.

That's why the church needs its own version of Shark Week.

The problem is the Bible doesn't lend itself to one.

The Jewish people weren't all that great out on the open sea, so they stayed on the shore. If only Jonah would have been swallowed by Megalodon, instead of a whale. (Whale Week doesn't have the same effect.)

Here are five things that churches could do for a Shark Week Church Edition:

1) Feed 'em to the sharks. Churches could rent sharks and place them in the baptistry. That would be a great way to deal with any church discipline. After all, sometimes we tend to feed our own to the sharks, so why not do it literally?

2) Beach Bums. Take out the chairs and pews and go for beach towels and swim suits. Worship pastors would love this.

3) Embrace the mysterious. In the past, Christians have embraced the mysterious; but thanks to Google, that's changed. We like to know everything and we have the answers at our finger tips. We don't know how to embrace the mysterious. Part of what makes Shark Week so successful is that sharks are so mysterious. That's why no one is ever 100% comfortable in the ocean. Christians need to embrace the fact that we don't have all the answers. We serve a God who is more than our minds will ever be able to fathom.

4) Open the service with Baby Shark. Every youth pastor should know about Baby Shark. People love singing about a shark family that eventually causes the death of someone. There are two versions. One in which the person goes to heaven to "party with Jesus" and the other disappointingly meets Satan.

5) Jaw Ushers. Ushers could wear dorsal fins while circling the sanctuary to the Jaws theme songs. Sure nervous givers aren't what churches want, but rental sharks ain't cheap.

Part of what makes Shark Week so great is that it's a break from the normal. Churches shouldn't be afraid to provide a different experience from time to time.

What else would Shark Week Church Edition awesome?