Are you one of the almost majority of churchgoers, who regularly walk in around the second song?
This averages out to be anywhere from six to ten minutes late.
Anyone who has ever stepped foot in a church service knows what I'm talking about. It's the second song attendance boom.
Proper church etiquette states that back seats are to fill up first. That way the front seats can be used to punish late attenders.
Yes, the back seat Baptist are laughing at you. We get there early to claim our squatter's rights, but there's also the hidden joy of watching you come in late and sweating it.
However, I haven't always gotten to church on time, so I want to help you out.
Here are nine different strategies you can use to save face when you come to church late:
1) The Middle School Bus Buddy. Have someone save you a seat. Maybe it's a little middle schoolish, but you can be spiritual about it. Just say that you are "building community" or that you want to "do life" with that person.
2) The Hall Pass. Make it look like you have an excuse. Your church probably has staff members and lead volunteers going in and out during the service. Catch a ride with one of them into the sanctuary. It will appear that you were late, because you were discussing business.
3) First Service Hero. Go to the earliest service possible. The earliest service is normally empty. They will be glad to see you and there is a greater chance that you can find a seat in the back.
4) The Andrew Cover-up (a throwback to VBS). Bring a friend. Everyone knows that church handbooks allow people who boost attendance to get away with anything.
5) The Cool Hand Luke. Don't come in checking your phone or stashing childcare papers in your purse. If you look frazzled, church people don't even have to see you, because we can smell it. So play it cool. This works great if you come in on an upbeat song. Fist bump an usher and high five someone six people deep in a row.
6) The Prayer Warrior. If you choose to ignore #5, you can play it uncool. Don't allow any eye contact with anyone. Slip to your seat and pray that someone comes in later than you.
7) The Doctor's Excuse. Come in with Halls cough drops and a wadded up Kleenex. Members will be impressed that you kept your attendance streak going. Plus no one will make eye contact, because they don't want the sick guy to sit with them.
8) The Ninja. The third song will normally slow down the set to get people ready for the Word. The worship pastor will say a short prayer between 30 to 45 seconds. That's enough time to locate and get to a seat. Be careful if you are a part of a non-traditional church with light changes. Yes, the darkness plays in your favor of not being seen, but not if you trip over someone.
9) The Volunteer Impersonator. If you accidentally slip in during announcements, you are done for and need to do something dramatic. It's time to go big, go home, or find another church. Often the ushers will have you surrounded once you walk in the door. You have to go for the Hail Mary--impersonate a volunteer. I suggest a parking lot volunteer. Find someone you don't know and ask them what kind of car they drive, because someone left their lights on. Leave the sanctuary and wait until it's safe to return after the offering. This is great because you have saved face and you skipped the tithe also. That is unless you are an online giver.
Of course these are only suggestions. You could always just leave the house a few minutes earlier, but let's be honest there isn't anyone in the family that's going to go for that. So arrive late, just be prepared.
Question:
What strategies have you used to save face when coming in late for church? Can't wait to hear some.
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