The Church Seat Stagger

Have you ever noticed the Church Seat Stagger?

There are rows of seating, but people don't sit in order.

What would it look like if you came in and filled up the front rows moving right to left? Everyone would have to sit next to someone. Your church would be empty, because no one would come!

The church seat stagger is a method implemented at larger churches where people do not have their own spot. Seats are fluid and change weekly. The stagger is choosing a seat, so that no one sits next to you to avoid any awkward moments.

Awkward moments may include: Holy Ghost drunk clapping (clapping off rhythm), unnecessary eye contact, annoying kid, and someone being able to hear you sing or snore.

Real estate rules apply for church seating.

Location, location, location! 

People never come in and sit in the middle. Why? Because you'll get stuck in awkwardness or location.

You get twice the potential for awkwardness there.

Not to mention the need to get out in the event of a fire, an outbreak of the Holy Spirit, or bathroom emergency (especially at coffee serving churches). Don't let them cramp your style. You need freedom to move.

The expert staggers know when to arrive to claim their seats. Too early and you are a victim of someone else choosing. Too late and the choice might be made for you. It's all about timing.

It's annoying when someone screws up your stagger.

Sure you smile when they sit next to you. Even though you politely tell them that there is a better seat up front or that you have ten guest coming.

Sure they just want to be your friend, but they don't realize that's impossible to do in rows. Community happens when people gather outside of church.

Inside of church, it's just wrong. That's God's time. You can't cheat on God at church.

Also, I'm pretty holy, so I limit my distractions. If you sit with me, you are going to get my attention. I'll probably get off task and try to make you laugh at an inappropriate time. According to my dad who is a pastor, altar calls aren't meant to be funny...ever!

If you don't like the stagger, there is really nothing you can do.

Pastors all over America endorse it, because it makes the crowd feel larger.

I had a pastor friend who tried to fight the stagger. He taped off the back rows at his church. Needless to say, he soon found his pulpit taped off and he was sending out resumes. Bold? Yes, but you can't fight some things meant to be in church.

Embrace the church seating stagger. 

Question:
Do you abide by the church seat stagger?