Distracted Christian's Mind During Church

How did you score on the Church Service Attention Quiz?

Me? Major fail!

Typically, I would do alright, but I played in the band this week. And something about staying intensely focused for two worship sets leaves my brain fried for the message. So if you serve on a Sunday and fail to pay close attention, you get a pass. Just tell your pastor to email me.

Would you like to see inside a distracted Christian's mind during the sermon?

Buckle up, because it gets random.

Our pastor said something about John the Baptist.

Automatically, I think about John being beheaded.

This draws my attention to other famous historical figures who were beheaded. More specifically, William Wallace. One can't innocently think about William Wallace without contemplating on Braveheart.

"Freeeeeeeeeedoooooom!" rings inside of my head.

Panic ensues, because now I'm worried that my seat places me at a disadvantage. I'm concerned about my freeeeeeeedooooooooom to get out of the church in case of an emergency or someone asking me to volunteer in the children's ministry. (You know I love the back row, end seat, but playing in the band made me miss out on the real estate.) I make a mental note to claim a seat with a used Kleenex next time or to quit the band.

From Braveheart my mind wanders to other Mel Gibson performances. It stops on Signs.

How did that little girl know to leave glasses of water lying around everywhere? And whatever happened to Joaquin Phoenix? The actor, not the character in the movie. Mom would have beaten me, if I left glasses of water lying around everywhere.

Great! Thinking about all that water has me thirsty.

Only water doesn't sound refreshing. I've already consumed enough coffee to kill a full-size miniature horse named Cupcake.

I'd much rather an Ale 8. (Don't worry non-Kentuckians, that's ginger ale.)

But consumption of one would force me to have to use the bathroom prematurely. And my seat doesn't allow for that freedom. I don't want to be "that guy" who disturbs everyone. You know that guy. Besides that I've already "gone" five times at church and it's only 11:30. That's borderline embarrassing. My grandmother can hold her liquid better than that.

Jesus would probably frown on disturbing everyone to go to the bathroom for a fifth time, so I better wait it out. I like Jesus. Which leads me back to a Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of Christ, which incidentally didn't include John the Baptist.

By this point, the pastor is on to his next point and I'm totally lost.

A distracted Christian mind can be a beautiful mess.

Question:
How does your mind wander during church?