9 Reasons to Leave a Worship Service

When is it okay to leave a worship service?

Once your pants are touching upholstery, you can't get up unless you are a glutton for humiliation.

But sometimes you need to leave (and sometimes you want to).

A cold sweat breaks out on your forehead, because you know that leaving will shift all eyes on you. Including the pastor's, who may or may not be able to excommunicate you.

You feel like an illegal immigrant trying to sneak across the boarder. Whenever someone makes it out of the doors, I always want to cheer for them.

There's a reason you feel like every single person wants to know why you are leaving. It's because we do.

Your excuse will either bring judgement upon your head or understanding. Churches should keep bearded elders by the doors, whose sole job is to listen to excuses before allowing people to exit. I would volunteer and even grow a beard for that.

However, let me help you. Here are nine acceptable reasons to leave a service:

1) Bladder Bursting- Bladders have set limitations. Don't be a hero and try to win an award. But breaking the seal on your bladder prematurely may cause you to have to leave the service for a second time shortly thereafter. Two times in one service is inexcusable. You only get one bathroom pass a month. Use it wisely.

2) Childcare Chaos- If your child's number flashes on the screen, due to your child making the children's ministry want to go all Old Testament on them.

3) Baby Retreat- Parents with babies are welcomed and even encouraged to leave as soon as the baby makes a whimper. But enjoy it while it last, they are only little for a short time.

4) Expelling Demons- No one wants to hear or smell you expelling demons (bodily odors). Please no fiber loading before church to get out of the service.

5) Emergency Exit- If there is a family emergency, you may leave. This one is tricky. You shouldn't have your phone on in church, so this is only acceptable if you have a Bible on your phone. It's amazing what you can get away with YouVersion on your phone. Download it today.

6) Escorted Out- Someone comes and escorts you out for a reason. If this happens you don't even have to sneak out, you can be as loud as you want. Sometimes I leave my car lights on just to get an escort.

7) Above the Law- This is no hidden secret, but no one ever questions it. Staff and lead directors can leave a service at anytime with no questions asked. When I held these positions, I would leave just to get some Skittles.

8) Twiddling Volunteer- There are perks to volunteering in certain positions. For instance, an usher of any kind will be granted privileges of leaving the service at predetermined times. Greeters can come in super late without anyone thinking about it.

9) Bulletin Laceration- If your source to stay connected slices your finger and there aren't any Kleenexes around, go get first aid.

Question:
What is your best excuse for leaving a service?