Blind Worshiper

My church is in the back of shopping mall.

Our sanctuary ceiling is low and has an unconventional shape. These two circumstances can create the occasional problem of not being able to see, if someone taller comes and stands in front of you.

You become a blind worshiper. 

Many of you who go to churches with screens can relate.

Some of you go to hymnal churches.

This problem isn't foreign to you.

It's like when there are no available hymnals and someone won't share with you. Because there's always that person who won't go fifty percent with you and let you hold a side. Or, three people have share one hymnal. 

Don't fear.

You have options when you are a blind worshiper.

1) You can move.

2) You can ask the person in front of you to move or sit down. However, only people older than 80 can get away with this.

3) Open act of displeasure. Sigh loudly and hope the person in front of you gets the idea. This is only an option if you were there first. Of course when they turn around to see the problem, you have to say that they are okay. Be prepared to feel like a jerk afterwards.

If you are unable to do options one and two and option three fails, you have a few more moves.

4) Accept the blessing. This move is when one closes their eyes and raises their hands slightly above the waist with palms up. This posture is a classic and makes you look super spiritual. (On a serious note, your posture in worship does mean something.)

5) Watermelon worship. You can lip sync "watermelon" when you don't know the words to a song. A lesson I learned from my church choir director back in high school.

6) Fill in the blank. Try and guess the words. Worship songs are made up of about eight words and half of them rhyme.

7) Let your mind wander. This is the default function in this situation. Obviously, taking a picture during a worship service for a blog shows that your head and heart might not be into worshiping at that moment. Once you catch yourself doing this, try to recenter.     

8) Listen to the band. My church has an awesome worship band. It's good to listen to the music and think about what's being said.

9) Social media it up. If you can't see the words to sing, it's great to let your social networks know that you are at church. A status update of something like "Worship band is killing it this morning, so much that the worship pastor split his skinny jeans. #JesusIsLord" is productive. My church doesn't take roll, so it's nice to have backup proof for God to see that you were at church.

10) Get ready for the preaching. Go to the bathroom. Make sure you have paper and a pen for notes. Maybe even a spare pen. Check the announcements on the bulletin. Go ahead and find the scripture, so you beat the person next to you. Do whatever you have to do.

What do you do when you become a blind worshiper? Any options that you would like to add?


You can follow me on Twitter @christiangravy.