How To Avoid Volunteering at Church

Yesterday, I introduced you to Recruiter Ricky.

Recruiter Ricky is the most feared person in the church. At the close of the service, you exit the doors with the flow of traffic. It’s then that he locks eyes on you. You feel like a fish being pulled with the current. You can't get away from them. They are going to do the dreaded...they are going to ask you to serve in the ministry they oversee.

I played Recruiter Ricky for two years at my church.

However, this Fall I was able to walk away from my position as youth director.

It's been a great three months. But the honeymoon phase is over.

It was pouring down the rain last Sunday. The greeters at my church walk people in with umbrellas. The man who oversees the greeters came to my rescue. Or so I thought.

Little did I know he was about to change persona's on me. For the past two years, I had gotten volunteers not been asked to volunteer. But he saw me as fresh meat. He had me and there was no getting away. Unfortunately for him, I have been around the church my entire life, so I knew how this worked.

So allow me to teach you some strategies on how to escape from Recruiter Ricky:

1) The Rookie Mistake. Don't say you will pray about it. Everyone says that. It seems spiritual, but everyone knows you won't, which makes you a liar. Or if you do pray about it, God will tell you to do it.

2) Dr. Dobson. Blame the family. You want to be a good parent. Unfortunately, your job is demanding and you don’t spend enough time with your wife and kids. Tell them that you want to "focus on the family." They can't argue with Dr. Dobson.

3) The Sucker Punch. The recruiter will get to you. It’s what they do. The longer you dodge them the more desirable you become. Don't be another notch on their belt or another Jonah story. Go to them and tell them that you need them for something. They will be totally blindsided and will forget. The recruiter has become the recruited. Just be careful not to become obligated to them.

4) Forbidden Fruit. Be in high demand by signing up for something else at church. Before getting sucked into doing something you don't want to do, sign up for something you like. Everyone knows a recruit is someone’s territory. They can’t touch you, if you are someone else’s. So you could say, "Sorry, I would love to but wipe snotty noses, but I've already agreed to restock the coffee cups before the service.”

5) Loud Body Language. You have to have control over the conversation. Don't be afraid to stare into their eyes until they look away. They are veterans at this, so I recommend staring in the mirror to practice. Make sure you don't sound uncertain or stutter.

6) Tomorrow Never Volunteers. Agree to help later. This is a play on the Dr. Dobson. Tell them now isn't a good time, but it's something you are excited about later. Later never comes though.

7) Show Me the Benjamins. Ask how much you will get paid. You sound greedy, but it isn't greedy if you don't mean it. This will scare them away.

8) The Substitute. You can't do it full-time, but you can be a sub. Tell them to call if they need someone. Just be sure to get their digits to screen phone calls and don’t answer the phone after five on Saturday afternoon. 

Of course these are only suggestions.

You could consider getting connected with your church and serving. After all, if you aren't connected then it's only a matter of time before you become disconnected. When you are disconnected, you will leave. And when you leave the church, you take a step away from God.