9 Better New Year's Resolutions for 2013

Do you know why most New Year's resolutions fail?

It's not because they aren't good.

Quite frankly, it's because they lack pizazz.

Which is one of my resolutions: to use more colorful language. "Pizazz" it just rolls off the tongue and can be spelled "pzazz".

Which leads me to another resolution: to win over 60% of Words with Friends games. That's possible if I more diligently select the competition. What? You are a ten-year-old English as a third language speaker? Yes, I accept.

However, I want to help make your resolutions better.

Not the same 10-15 resolutions like quit smoking, drinking, get out of debt, lose weight, read the Bible more... Those are great, but you can do better.

Here are nine better New Year's resolutions for you: 

1. Get to church at the right time. Not too early. Not too late. Make sure you get a back row end seat. That way you control your destiny. And it's much more exciting to score a seat at the buzzer than it is to be early.

2. Eat more bacon. God didn't allow the Hebrews to eat bacon and Jesus destroyed over 50,000 pounds of it. The Holy Spirit is probably against the delicacy too. There's no guarantee that there will be bacon in heaven, so eat as much as you can now.

3. Make fun of your worship pastor more. Everyone who can't sing has worship pastor envy. Even the senior pastor secretly wishes he could pull off a guacamole green deep v-neck and a beret while singing like an angel. Let's keep them humble.

4. Record more television. Everyone wants to watch less television, but you still have the shows you enjoy. Record the shows to save time, which gives you more time to watch more TV.

5. Read Leviticus. Somewhere in the Bible it says that reading Leviticus earns more credit than any other book. It's like the A.R. book worth 14 points instead of five. I'm not sure where the Bible says that, so you might need to read a little more to find it.

6. Maybe pray less. Some Christians pray too much about things they know they should be doing. Some people need to be obedient.

7. Forget exercising...try fasting. Fasting is a great way to lose weight and you can get super close to God at the same time. That's killing two birds with one stone. Just don't eat it once you kill it. And don't fast to lose weight.

8. Learn an irritating instrument. There's no accountability in it. Trust me no one wants to hear the recorder. Why haven't you been practicing your mandolin?--is a question my wife has never asked. So if you fail, everyone else wins. Be sure to ask your worship pastor to join the band.

9. Pass the Gravy. My goal is to post over 208 times in 2013. That's muy grande considering considering I only had 73 last year. You can easily achieve this resolution while feeling great about yourself. Feel free to share the blog to co-workers, to your Southern Baptist grandmother, dog groomer, hit share on Facebook, retweet it, or +1 it on Google.

Question:
How can you make your resolutions better?